Undulation

The bed is a central and specific space of my existence, as I do everything in bed. The act of getting out of bed is a continuing struggle, as the bed generates a sense of comfort, safety, and security. Leaving the bed requires the physical and mental ability to encounter secondary outside forces, which can elicit feelings of danger, inferiority, or an overall feeling of being an “other”, which exist only within my individual perception of reality. These anxieties are the crux of my personal narrative which have the capability of manifesting themselves purely out of fiction, creating scenarios of fear and longing to escape — or in the case of agoraphobia, a deep urge to hide away and seclude myself away from the world.

There are times I do not want to leave my bed and confine myself to my house — for days on end. This form of agoraphobia is debilitating, as I feel it has power over me, my decisions, and my actions. The bed becomes the center, reinforced by my inability to leave the house, not from lack of desire to leave, but rather from feeling physically unable to leave. This struggle with depression becomes cyclical and repetitive — as will the instant photographs of the bed. My comforter and sheets, in the act of the struggle of getting out of bed, become twisted and knotted. The bedding then begins to represent (in their structure) my own internalized conflict and the human figure.

Undulation - a year long project, 2013-2014. Instant film.