This is a personal post.
It’s been over 3yrs since my last post on this website and a lot has happened. I met the love of my life, bought a house, and have subsequently been working diligently on making this place nice (projects in a home are never ending and are also all consuming and very very expensive), and my partner and I are getting married.
It feels like the natural progression of life has taken over and art has been sitting idly by waiting for me to decide to sit down and create again. And it’s not like the passion isn’t there, it’s moreover that I feel riddled with guilt like there are more pressing matters at hand to occupy my time. And when I do have free time, I use that to sit with my anxiety, endlessly scroll on my phone, while half-watching/half-listening to something I’ve watched before on tv.
When I have had a moment to sit and self reflect, I have written poems. Maybe because it’s easy to write on a paper then it is to take out art supplies and make space to paint. When I bought this house, the selling point for me was this enclosed patio room that was destined to be my art studio. Instead, ultimately, it was destined to be extra storage. Also because the windows and walls are not proper windows and walls, (some kind of fabrication material, I’m not sure) it is not properly ventilated. When it’s hot outside it absorbs heat and feels like it’s 20+ degrees, not really a space to sit comfortably and work. And so it became storage, every time I’ve cleaned it out to once again try and make it a proper space, another box moves in. To be fair, yes I am the one that put the boxes in there, but this is what happens right?
As a young artist I never thought that I too would become another adult who puts other things ahead of making art, but maybe it’s also because I am enjoying my life right now and in the past making art was a way to express myself when I didn’t have any outlet. But I have an amazing partner who loves me and accepts me, listens to my anxieties without judgment, and the few relationships I do have I try to take what I’ve learned from therapy and nurture them. Maybe it’s that, or maybe I just want things clean and settled before I sit down and let myself create new work. I don’t know.
And on that note, I am working but secondarily. I am still taking photographs, but I move on too quickly and it’s not with any sort of intention other than capturing a moment. Maybe they blend together. I had a series of sunsets over supermarkets, something about the beauty in the mundane, but even then I feel it’s more about trying to notice beauty wherever you may be in life.
I am keeping this website. I will try to work and post on here. I have stacks of artwork I’ve never scanned in and misc. photographs I can upload.
Currently the wedding planning has been my latest obsession, and I plan on doing so much diy for it. I am creating and designing our invitations and website. Also learning how to do floral arrangements, because what I want is expensive and it feels like another creative outlet for me to focus my energy into.
I feel very lucky to have made it through to this other side of life. I’m grateful to be here, to start this other chapter.
